How to survive a divorce

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Does divorce mean the end of the world?

Nowadays, divorces seem to be an everyday occurrence. The process of divorce is unpleasant for both parties, but if it is already underway, what can be done to help us recover? When dealing with a life event like divorce, a healthy person can experience a lot of emotional confusion. Nevertheless, because we tend to avoid our emotions, and we shut them down inside ourselves, we are not able to acknowledge to ourselves and others we are suffering, so healing takes a long time.

What should we do after breakups? 

The first thing you should do is letting go. I need to get to the bottom of the end of this relationship. There are times when losing a loved one occurs after his or her death, then we mourn for a long time, and it is not surprising. Family and relationship breakups are the other examples of this. Therefore, we also fail until we are finally able to emotionally release that person and the experiences associated with him or her. Everyone does it their own way: there are no rules and no time limits here. Generally, there is an initial period of crisis, which can last for several months, but the actual grieving itself can last for a year, two years, even more.

How can we get over our experiences after breakups?

Forgetting is the best answer to this question. Any breakup or death of a relationship must be faded. For now, getting adequate help from others and caring for oneself is extremely important. Especially, we should refrain from saying things like, “Don’t be sad”, “Don’t be angry”, “Don’t be angry”, “Don’t blame anyone”, and “Find someone else”. The words seem to suggest that what the mourner feels is irrelevant or unacceptable. The result is a lack of self-confidence and an inability to express feelings. Thus, make sure to avoid these advisors and good wishes. It is essential to take care of yourself in times of mourning: look for resources that can help you feel, experience feelings; and reject those things that disturb you. Healing wounds is not about time, but about how we approach wounds and how we pay attention to our feelings. Feelings are supposed to be felt – they have a right to be. 

Psychologists generally advise against splitting feelings into positives and negatives. Each of them performs its function and is needed, it only matters how we survive them. During a breakup, feelings are very contradictory. There is a possibility of large fluctuations. In the beginning, you will most likely feel helplessness, anger, disorder, and strong anxiety. Physical, as well as emotional control, can sometimes be lost. 

When faced with a split-up, there are often feelings of sadness, self-pity, loss, and frustration. You should not give up on your feelings, acknowledge that they have a right to be there, and make friends and count on them! Understanding how the body controls us is also enhanced through the senses. Let’s say headaches can be an expression of anger, dissatisfaction, and chest pressure – sadness or self-pity. It’s easier to talk to another person about how you feel by saying the following: “I am angry,” “I am sad,” and I am feeling humiliated. ” It is useful to name the reason: “I am angry when he/she says…”, “I understand his / her motives, but I am very sad about it”. Crises last only as long as we keep our feelings; if we let those feelings go, they’ll pass.

Even if it seems that “nobody will understand,” you should keep talking and share your experiences with others. Talking to others may comfort your feelings and help you get away with the anxiety. Whether it’s the closest people or strangers you should trust. It is an opportunity to try to look at your situation from the side, to get to know feelings, emotions, to get the compassion that is sometimes so lacking. Also, by spending time with people, you become more open to new opportunities and exciting offers, maybe you will finally join a yoga group or be tempted to go on a weekend trip.

One of our strongest emotions is anger. Moreover, it is not easy to talk about it, because we are taught from an early age that to be angry is ugly, which means that we always suppress it. And yet the suppressed anger does not disappear anywhere, it begins to manifest itself indirectly: when that anger may show itself when we hear or somebody talks about that person. 

When someone experiences a divorce, it is quite common for them to accept that their anger is acceptable and can be liberating. Because it is not really easy to survive a loss by suppressing the feelings associated with it or feeling shame and guilt about it. What makes you angry most often? A man who promised to be faithful lied many times, broke a promise, was disappointed, destroyed trust. 

Sometimes, in order to be able to think soberly and better understand what is going on with us, we should start with some physically active demonstration of anger. Next, listen for what message the resentment is trying to send us and name it exactly: what expectations were not met, what purpose was stifled, what injustice I endured, what I lost. 

There may be some financial burden associated with divorces, so being able to leave the relationship without any financial hurdles can be a blessing. Being free after having a family and having no financial responsibilities can give relaxation and the sense of doing anything anytime we want. 

Sadly, sometimes we cannot recover what we have lost or been injured. Losing a relationship or a family involves a lot of losses, bigger or smaller, that they must be grieved and reacted to in order to gradually accept and forgive. It takes time and patience to forgive, effort, the courage to stand up to vulnerability, and time to come to terms with one’s fragility. But it leads to healing, so it’s worth the effort. 

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